We all think, admittedly or not, that in one way or another we are special. When making certain decisions we no doubt always take ourselves into consideration:
How will this make me feel? How will I look? What will others think of me? It is perfectly normal, to an extent, that there is actually a scientific explanation. If you didn’t think of yourself as an integral and important part of your existence you would not be able to survive. Survival of the fittest theory actually proves that the selfish gene exists.
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In a selfish person’s head (and again, we all are to a degree!), their wants and needs are driven by a priority to succeed and win. And while success is of course important, what’s more important is to remember that you cannot let this drive for it control your life.
A person who is always busy and can’t spare time for others is more often than not a person who is afraid to waste time, which in turn makes them feel that they are losing an element of control. It is harsh logic, I know, but there is some proof there. When that person gives away some of his time he feels insecure and starts to question whether he will succeed in completing his own tasks.
It is actually very common to find people with an acute case of the selfish gene in some professional fields of work. Competitive sports for example, where players have to focus so much on their own achievements and performances that they can hardly manage to fulfil other people’s desires. Other result and performance
driven industries, where survival of the fittest or competitive nature is present, also act as host and nurture many selfish personalities.
The financial sector is one. It was once the perfect platform to win and succeed in monetary terms, and to make your life as luxurious and comfortable as you wanted it to be (note I said “was” – it’s not anymore!). However, to become the best you had to learn to be incredibly selfish, to stay focused and to consistently outperform your peers. There are various other qualities that of course you had to develop and adapt to. All of these in the end helped you to be in control of your own professional success and your life.
That fear of losing control of your time, that fear that tells you that taking an extra day off work to spend time with your loved ones will somehow hurt your progress, is an act of selfishness in itself. Now many may disagree with me here. They might ask “how is it selfish, if the monetary rewards I get from my job or time I spend there, provides a good life for my loved ones?”
You may think this problem only applies to men, but there are many women in the financial sector who have had to give up valuable time as a girlfriend, wife and a mother. It is a fine line, and selfishness, although almost always defined as a negative trait, can arguably also be a positive characteristic.
We just need to be able to switch in on in the right moments and to our advantage, depending on the scenario. Most of all we need to learn to feel confident about our plans, goals, dreams and meeting our needs so that we can give back without feeling afraid. And only then will selfishness cease to be associated with our own weaknesses or fear of being able to give up time. The fear of losing control ultimately stems from self-doubt.
I’ve come to realise that survival of the fittest is not about being the strongest, but about the practice of mutual aid. It is by being less selfish and more willing to give and share, that humans will find greatest development in society. This is the theory proposed by Peter Kropotkin, a Russian scientist and philosopher. And of course we teach our kids by our own example. By sacrificing our own time to help others, perhaps we are merely paving the way for a more advanced society that
all of human kind can benefit from. The selfish gene’s not intrinsically bad, it just needs a little fine-tuning.
