The Myth Of Mars And Venus: Do Men and Women Really Speak Different Languages?

I’ve checked my latest Instagram statistics and it seems I have a very decent following of men

I write a lot about female empowerment, fashion, travel, as well as my own experiences that have helped me overcome certain hurdles and become the person I am today. But I’m the first to admit that there are certain things I couldn’t have done without the presence of strong men in my life – starting with a very important man, my father. There is also my husband, and my boss of nearly eight years when I was working in banking (he knows who he is!) and all the other men who are my friends who I have encountered through work and my hobbies. So this is dedicated to men. 

 

 I’m wearing a SS19 dress by Kukhareva London, earrings by Laurence Coste and bracelets by Alessa Jewellery

 

 

You know I really think we give our men a very hard time sometimes. Even just a few decades ago the man was considered the head of the household in all things; mortgages, legal documents, bank accounts. Very few women worked after getting married; they stayed at home to raise the children and keep house. Men were not expected to tune in with their sensitive side, let alone speak openly about their feelings and emotional upheavals – their own and those of others.

 

Only 60 odd years have gone by and suddenly we expect our men to undergo a massive transformation and become these sensitive, caring, gentle human beings. These days men are expected to be emotionally adept, to say the right things, and a lot of the time if they don’t they areimmediately labelled as insensitive, stupid orunworthy of our affection

 

 

The more I think about it, and think about the accusations I hear thrown around by my girlfriends –“he did this..” “and, you know, he said that” and “he doesn’t care” – the more I wonder whether it’s us women that have the biggest problem with men expressing their feelings. Furthermore, the very fact that it bothers us more than them can lead us to grow testy.

 

Perhaps, we ought to stop defining our men by what they lack. Instead, let’s take a clear-eyed look at emotions and the different ways in which we experience them. The moment our man comes through the door, tired from what could have been a very stressful day at work (some guys are very good at hiding their problems, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not there) the mental switch from work to love, from ambition to emotion, from power to intimacy, could be an incredibly difficult one. And instead of giving them some space and quiet, at times we overload them with our own worries and problems.

 

 

 

 

Most of us just want someone to lend an ear and listen to our day-to-day problems. Maybe offer a little reassurance. We dont really want an immediate solution. But unloading a bunch of information straight away will more often than not make anyone tense. Not only do they have to absorb the information at hand, but they must also quickly offer up a response and solution that will suffice the modern woman.

 

 

Wouldn’t it be easier if we took a moment to consider this first? Wouldn’t it be cool if men could finally explain themselves properly to women? I may be generalising, but many men are not as emotionally articulate as women are. Not out of spite, and certainly not to annoy us… probably just because of Mother Nature. And often their plan toresolve issues is to call for some kind of plan of action instead of having an empathetic conversation. Of course communication in relationships is key, but sometimes I wonder if some problems are better discussed with girlfriends and those on the outside.

 

 

 

Almost everyone I know complains about their other half. And once you’re married with kids, even more so. As much as it is important for our partner to understand our needs, it is of course equally important to understand theirs. Men need to feel important – don’t forget to praise his actions and achievements – and everyone needs intimacy. I think if you give your partner freedom to act in a way that is natural to them, your relationship will only get easier.  

 

Unless we trade in our emotional distancing for emotional responsiveness, understanding and acceptance of what women and men want and how our minds operate, we will lose that relationship. The guys who have figured out the secret of modern masculinity and the women who have figured out how to accept a man’s needs, have a chance of surviving in a contemporary marriage. 

 

So let’s cut them a little slack, shall we girls?

 

 

 

 

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