Somebody once told me that life isn’t all that complicated, and finding happiness can actually be achieved by simply asking oneself the right questions. Most of the time, we humans – myself included – worry about insignificant things, many of which we have no control over. If we really understand the source of these anxieties, they can almost become absurd.
I’m wearing a bomber jacket by Arosière Paris
I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t stress about what to wear to work, to job interviews, on dates and often to anything where they will be seen. We want to be ourselves and for that to be reflected in the way we dress. We don’t want to be too conservative as that wouldn’t be true to our style, but what if that shorter dress is inappropriate? Should I opt for tights? Or is that opting to look uptight? If I underdress will I look like a slob?
Acceptance of our physical appearance is something almost all women, and men, deal with daily, especially with current social media pressures. We wonder if we’ll get enough ‘likes’, and what we should change about ourselves to get more, or to attract potential partners, or to make more friends. The fear of not fitting in, of not being perceived as beautiful, is on many women’s minds all the time.
However, what if we rephrased what it is we are asking ourselves and consequently what it is that worries us. What if we made a firm statement: “I am beautiful.” Full stop. We cannot control what other people think of us. We have no magical power to get us into people’s heads or to influence their opinions and perceptions of us. So why do we waste the energy, the precious energy that we all carry, worrying about these things that we have no control over?
We have to convince ourselves and believe that what we ourselves think is all that matters. Start rewiring your brain and telling yourself that what you are and what you do through your actions make you a beautiful person that other people want to be around. As soon as you start thinking this way you will also see a positive change in how others perceive you. Not everyone is going to be in adoration of you, and that’s probably a good thing. But the energy and confidence you carry in yourself will be felt by those around you, and in turn they will be drawn to it.
Another common worry is rejection. I know many women that fear being labelled crazy or needy simply for wanting to know where their relationships are going. Almost all of us know what it’s like to be constantly glancing down at your phone, checking those Whatsapp messages, looking for clues in blue ticks or mysterious Instagram captions. Knowing that your childbearing years only last for a specific amount of time can make you feel so limited and stressed out when it comes to planning your life goals.
Attaining a sense of significance such as being seen as beautiful, security (whether it’s financial or matrimonial), variety and love are all finite things. And even when it looks like we have all these things, it’s somehow never enough. As these needs are finite we can never be fully satisfied if we build our lives around these pillars. So what should we be concentrating on? My answer is personal growth and contribution. These are the only two things that are not finite.
I’m wearing a summer dress by Arosière Paris
If we prioritise our time and energy on these two pillars instead, there is no limit and we therefore feel fulfilled. We can grow spiritually, we can grow in our knowledge of things, through self-education and advancement or in the professional field. And the more you grow as a person, the more the other pillars will start to fall into place. Even loving relationships need to grow from two people’s self-worth.
When it comes to contributing to the world, one should be asking “how can I be even more grateful for what I have?” We should be asking ourselves, “what can I do for society and the universe to show how grateful I am just to exist?”
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When you start looking at life this way, little things like the joys of writing my thoughts down, or taking my kids out for the day all at once become even more meaningful.
