As I checked in to one of our local soft play centres last weekend, I noticed that the demographics were definitely changing. The club was buzzing with dads and their kids and it seemed to me that the newest generation of fathers and sons are closer than ever before.
According to one survey I found in the Independent, fathers are twice as likely to be “close” to their sons today, with more than one in three describing their relationship this way. And good on them! Factors like being present at the birth and having greater involvement in child rearing are helping to strengthen the bond between fathers and sons. More flexible working hours, including the latest well-received changes to paternity leave, and the fact that women have more opportunities to develop their own interests and careers, undoubtedly forces men be more involved than the dads of previous generations.
I travel a lot and my schedule is hectic, but never once have I worried about leaving the kids with my husband. He is as well equipped – if not more so than me! – with the knowledge of what the kids like, when their nap times are and what they do at school. And I couldn’t be happier about it! Of course I will always be Mum, but dads should be equally involved and attentive in their children’s lives. This also gives us women the comfort of knowing that you don’t always need to be in control of everything, and that your partner can easily step-up to parenting duties at a whim, allowing you the time and energy to focus on your hobbies and passions outside of the home.
Fathers sometimes find their sons’ infancy challenging. They love the baby and delight in its adorable noises, but let’s face it, infant care has always been considered mum’s province. Devoted mothers can unwittingly prevent dads from taking a more active role by insisting that the baby be held, fed, and rocked in a particular way (usually hers). This can force dads to shrink away, falling back on work to provide for their new family. Sometimes they don’t reappear for years, if at all.
And here ladies, perhaps the fault is our own. Let dad do things his own way. His methods will likely differ from ours, but if you surrender and let go, you will see that it is by far the best choice. After all, there’s really no right or wrong way of doing things with your child. If it means he is doing the feeding at night or calming the baby down, taking a little toddler to the indoor climbing centre (when you’re fearing the worst!) or taking him to a football game (when you think it’s on too late!), then let him do it. A boy learns the joys and perils of manhood from his father without even realising it.
I don’t know if you are somebody’s parent, but I am willing to bet that you’re somebody’s child. So many kids grow up wanting to be “just like dad”, so I say let’s embrace this heightened bond we are seeing nowadays, for it will surely lead to future generations of emotionally intelligent fathers, raising thoughtful, communicative sons willing and able to do so much more than just bring home the bacon.
