Dating – are men the problem?

I spoke with a girl friend of mine recently who told me all about her troubles dating men in London. She’s a cool girl – intelligent, good looking (if a tad too tall for my liking) and importantly, she dresses well. It’s not often you can say that about women in London. Nonetheless she complained that she only meets twats these days. “How hard it is to find man”, she complained bitterly. Note she didn’t say a decent man or a rich man, just a man. Clearly, she has problems. But on the face of it she shouldn’t. As I said, she’s good looking, intelligent and she dresses classily.

My first response to her was – ok, maybe you come across as being high maintenance, tone it down a little, charm the guy, make him feel a bit more important…yada yada yada. Let’s face it, few men like seriously high maintenance women. Sure, I like a challenge the same as the next guy, but one isn’t short of options in London. If a girl comes across as a pain in the ass, it’s easy to move onto someone else in short order. With a plethora of dating apps these days it’s never been easier.

The conversation got me thinking. Why are women, or in this case my friend, the problem? So I brainstormed with some cityboy colleagues and we came to the following conclusion. London suffers from inordinately high expectations.

Great expectations

Some women and the media in general complain it’s all about men’s unrealistic expectations regarding women; from looks to fashion and general well-being.  Personally I don’t think it’s unrealistic for men to expect women to avoid looking like muffin tops; clearly I’m in a less vocal minority these days. It’s a frequent complaint though, so maybe there is some truth to it. One thing myself and colleagues agreed upon is that girls who are at best 5’s or 6’s (out of ten, I’m not talking dress sizes) completely over rate themselves. This is especially true of public school educated women in London. You’re in a bar and get talking to them and immediately they freeze up. Maybe it’s just the English stiff upper lip but whatever it is, it’s too stiff for a 5 or a 6, pretending to be an 8.

That said I do feel sorry for women in London because they have to contend with a dynamic that doesn’t exist anywhere else. There is probably no other city on the planet where a significant proportion of 20 and 30 year old men earn close to 200k a year, which is what a standard VP should make at an investment bank. And if he isn’t he probably should be or else he’d better think of upping sticks. This creates a huge inequality between cityboys and women living in London. With only rent to pay and myself to keep, that gives me an awful lot of expendable income. Table in a nice restaurant? No problem. Table in a top club? No problem. Quick weekend away? No problem. It’s a world of choice and the choices are mine. As my colleague said “men in London generally make money and have quite a bit of choice…hence they play around”. It can’t be easy keeping up with these guys. Moreover, a lot of these guys are foreign born and don’t intend on staying in London over the longer term. They’re here for a good time, not a long time. As a result, cityboys have a pretty short term outlook on their lives and loves in London. These are men who are used to getting their way and getting it in short order. If women don’t fit the bill, they don’t get the call.