I recently completed a trip to a large city in the US which is neither New York nor LA, and as I had some free time I walked around to observe the styles. The odd thing is that this is a big city, and is absolutely covered by luxury boutiques. There is a giant Burberry building, a Chanel, D & G, whatever you like but despite all this influence it’s a complete fashion disaster. I’m not saying everyone is obese because they aren’t, there were actually quite good looking men and women, but for some reason everyone is in sneakers, tan cargo shorts and a polo. Really! It’s as though some new fascist dictatorship was putting up posters telling everyone to conform and obey, and the way to prove your loyalty was to look like a McDonalds employee. It’s not as though this was some distant suburb, I’m talking about this city’s equivalent of Bond Street.
Strangely, and I hope this doesn’t sound patronising, the most stylish people I saw were a couple of homeless guys. They were thin obviously, with a two day stubble, and one of them had pointy brown moccasin shoes, tight trousers and a shirt over a flannel shirt- he looked sharp! The other had sneakers, carhart jeans and a blazer over a white t-shirt, paired with a Beanie hat. I know this sounds like the derelict joke in Zoolander but it was actually true: no one seemed to take the same pride in their appearance.
I mentioned this to a glamorous girl I met at party that evening and she confirmed what I had feared: recently it’s become acceptable to go to a night club in flats. And while some rake thin models can carry off the skinny jeans and the bohemian top, once you get into muffin top territory it’s game over. So here is a message to the girls of the mid-west and to the night club bouncers who are derelict in their duty: don’t let them in unless they have high heels and sexy dresses, salon-finish hair and nails, because if you do, not only are you dialling back some of the best achievements of human civilisation, but all this who do care will eventually leave and move to Cannes, leaving your city populated entirely by girls who buy their clothes at JC Penny. And I for one, am not coming back until the problem is fixed!
